Boundaries as Remedy

Jasmin Faulk-Dickerson

I promised myself this year that I would not seek the news and read all the sensational coverage of glorified hate and picture-perfect filtered drama. Some of it is invaluable, no doubt, in fact, some of it is crucial to elevate in order to materialize change. But how can our sanity be preserved during a time when we are not just pulled to react to one major catastrophe after the other, but deemed cancel-worthy if we don’t come out with the right judgment? It seems as though every pillar of our human existence is experiencing a profound rude awakening, from climate to economy, from politics to social conduct, morals to ethics, and of course discrimination to judgment.

The framework is complex, but it seems as though the answer could be quite simple. When did we decide that having such staunch convictions was deserving of the highest pedestal honors?

I can persist in my belief that this way of being and reacting (much like nature’s pruning) has always been in motion to preserve evolution as long as humans existed, and yet, many argue that it is unusually present, more than ever before in history.

Recently, I had several inspiring and aggravating conversations with individuals who seem to stand on moral high grounds they claim are grounds for change. Each opposing perspective declares a sense of truth and factual stances, and both having the effect and impact they seek, whether positive or negative. I am not one to shy away from uncomfortable conversations, in fact, I welcome them and hope to participate as both learner and teacher. We all have something to offer, but we have far more to absorb before we can regurgitate what we retained. Information for many seems to go in the ear and out the mouth faster than the nose can inhale and exhale, and certainly faster than the brain can decode it. It’s remarkable to witness the stamina of these individuals at a time when the body otherwise, appears to be so vulnerable to disease, infection, allergy, and decay.

We hear about radical love, radical forgiveness, and radical compassion in teachings and motivational quotes. As a daily reminder, these words and phrases serve as an anchoring buoy that holds us inches from utter despair or insanity. Even the vilest of souls, has a moment of fragility and heart presence. We were not wired to lead from a place of condemnation and self-righteousness, we were taught—and even programmed—to be that way. One can blame religions, ideologies, even philosophers for these hooks that push and pull minds towards bellicose attitudes.

So where do we go from here? Naturally, I don’t have the answers, but I pose the question: What would it take for us to consider drastic change in how we choose our actions at every pivotal moment of the day?

Protests, wars, killings, and even a pandemic don’t seem to unite us in the common goal to preserve the sprouting seeds that germinate each time a child is born. What will it take for us to see with new eyes, hear with clear ears, and love with safe hearts? I truly don’t have resolve to offer, but I know that boundaries are what we instinctively seek and establish when we go into survival mode. Animals set boundaries, even forests form boundaries within their eco-systems. We have lost boundaries with the dawn of social media extremism and the invitation to participate in an artificial habitat that leaves no room for autonomy.
With age, boundaries evolve, but I’ve noticed, they also curate into a seasoned and unapologetic monument that often does not seek approval nor a need to impose. Could teaching how to establish boundaries from an early age be the antidote that society so desperately lacks today?